Back to reality..

Today is my last day being at home with the girls..and it's hitting me HARD.  I'm a super suck when it comes to family, or even more, my own kids.  I would give anything to stay at home with them, and watch them grow into beautiful little girls.. but since being a SAHM isn't a paying job, I need to go make some money, and help my hubby out.. at this rate, it would take us a few more years to move out of this apartment.. and I'd like it to happen a lot sooner.. so when my old boss contacted me and offered me a job.. I didn't hesitate to take it.  All the other jobs I applied for didn't even give me an interview, except for one.  And at the job I'm going back into, I didn't apply for, or even need to get an interview.. so I took it as a sign.

Earlier, I held my babies tight, and let the tears flow.  I didn't think it would be that hard for me to realize how much time will be taken away from them.. I will definitely appreciate being with them more so, then I used too, 'cause let's face it.. staying home and doing all the chores and raising kids, is NOT easy, and it is totally draining.  So there are definitely days where I'm too zoned out to enjoy being with them, and what over-tired mommy doesn't snap, when their child/children is repeatedly says, "Mommmy..!" ..every minute or so?!

There's always a rainbow, after a storm..

So I've completely stopped my P90X journey, with sick kids, a sick mommy, and letting stress get the best of me, I had a rough week or so.  But I'm getting my act together, got a job offer at my old job, and finally getting myself checked out at the Dr's.. I hate the Dr's, by the way.  I've only gone regularly, for my babies.

So, I start working this Friday.. I am excited, but at the same time, sad.. since I won't be spending as much time with my babies.. and I know most working parents don't.. but I've been a stay at home mom for over 3 years straight.. and although it's been the most tiring 3 years of my life.. I am surely going to miss it.

Girls night out!

So, for some reason..I've been really down lately.. mostly at random times.  Haven't been like this in a long time, and not sure exactly what's going on with my body, but it's been affecting my mood, and I've been really tired a lot.  Anyway, today was all planned out, and very slowly, things just started falling apart, and I was having a mental breakdown.  I hate breaking down infront of my girls, but they also find a way to take care of me, and cheer me up.

I had cleaned most of the apartment up the other day, and started working on a project for tomorrow (throwing a little Halloween party, for my daughters and niece..so EXCITED btw!), and things just kept happening during this project, that was making me want to give up.  Anyhow, Hailey helped out, and was being a good girl, while her Ate, was forced to nap.. she took a long time to fall asleep, and Hailey ended up waking her up 20 minutes after she fell asleep.  Anyway, I started to get ready to go out, and started getting Hailey ready.. we were to do some last minute running around for specific ingredients, and then go out to eat as a family, at Asia City.  WELL, a half hour before my husband was supposed to be off work, he tells me that he needs to stay at work.  Of course, I got upset, my day wasn't going as smoothly as I'd liked, and then I find this out.. so whatever.. I dealt with it, still got everyone ready, and then I get another phone call, finding out he doesn't know when he would be done, and that he will pick me and the girls up from home, drop him off at work, and suggested I just take the girls out..which I did.  Even though these girls were a HUGE handful, their giggles made me forget about my anxiety, and all the overwhelming feelings I'd get..

Peyton insisted on having noodles, when I told her I wasn't going to order any.. so I ordered a dish, JUST for her.. which I am now munching on (all her leftovers)..

The kids preferred this instead, which I was originally going to order two of.. wish I did!  They ate most of my protein, and my kanin!

After a few stores, we ended up at Superstore (at a location I am not a fan of..super busy!), here's a video of the girls while I was waiting at self checkout.  Felt bad for the one lady there.. EVERYONE was expecting her to help them first.. not in the order her handheld device was telling her to do..sheesh.

Gooooood morning to me..

It's not even lunch time, and these girls are just so amusing this morning.  We usually sleep in, since the girls have been sick.. but we got woken up to street work, just after 8AM..and I went to use the bathroom, girls door is still slightly shut and dark.. but I listened carefully, and I heard their little voices, just having a random conversation.  Thought it was cute..  then I made their breakfast, lately it's been instant oatmeal..'cause it's easy.  I'm not a morning person, so instant anything is my best friend.  As I was making it, the girls start running out of the kitchen, screaming.. "ahhhh!!  The cows are gonna get us!!  AhhhhhH!" ..then, I give the oatmeal to the girls, and Peyton tries it.. and goes, "YUUM!  It tastes SO GOOD!" in the most valleyest voice, you can imagine on my Sweet PEA.  Then I gave them hot chocolate to drink.. and again.. "hot chocolate??  Yuuum!  How did you make that, Mommy??" ..again, in a super valley voice.

Just thought I'd blog this, before I forget.. :)

Home of the cold..

Had an extremely busy weekend.  We didn't go out Friday night, we stayed in, ate some home made Taco fries (only thing we cheated on, were the frozen McCain Fries)..tried my own taco spice mix..and it tasted really good!  We also watched the hockey game..which they sadly lost.  Saturday morning, my husband dropped Pea and I off at her dance class, and he dropped Hailey off at her Nana & Papa's and then he dropped our car off at a dealership to get work done onto it.  Pea did SO good at dance, and she did so much more, compared to her previous classes.  She at first wasn't in the mood to participate..just walking around following the teachers, then got really into it, 15 minutes later.

After dance class, we then waited for her daddy & Papa to come pick us up, where we afterwards went to get Hailey, and leave Pea at Nana & Papa's for a sleepover.  We waited around there for our car to finish up, and then we dropped Hailey off at her Lolo & Lola's for a sleepover as well.  We then rushed home to get ready to go watch the Bomber game.  Which..they sadly lost.  Was a really close game too, so glad we picked that game to watch.

 

After the Bomber game, we rushed home again to get ready for a Halloween Social..

Hubby was Batman, and I was Harley Quinn!  I had a wardrobe malfunction, which lucky for me, happened at home.. the issue I had with my costume was that the top fit perfectly..but the bottoms weren't stretchy, so they were a tad tight around my booty.  So when I was adjusting my pants, the belt loop ripped right off..which I guess was I sign that I shouldn't be wearing it.  Plus, anytime I walked, or sat down, the elastic would just slide right down my booty.  I ended up wearing a pair of black leggings, and just wore the velcro belt sitting on my hips.  It turned out okay anyhow.  My hubby doesn't "act" excited, I knew he was, but a random girl who happened to be dressed as cat woman had her mom as if she could take a picture of the two of them..which happened while I was in the bathroom.  There were SO many really great costumes at this social, so I'm glad we made the effort to dress up!

Yesterday, we ended up waking up early (looks like we are programmed that way, whether the kids are home or not), and did what we needed at home, and rushed over to Denny's for breakfast..since I was STARVING!

I had their Holiday Skillet..which was SO filling..

Hubby had his usual breakfast.. eggs, ham, sausage, shredded hash browns, pancakes AND toast.. he ate it all..

After that, we picked up Pea, and went over to my parents house for the day.  Ate and watch football and the hockey game again.. which they WON!!  It was pretty exciting..woot!

Today, we all woke up with colds, and Pea has it THE worst..so I have a really good feeling I won't have any time on my plate to get any workouts in.. need to be there for my babies, when they need me..I feel so bad for them.  These are the times where I wish I could just take the pain away from them..

Day 20 (P90X)

Feeling so down lately, and always tired, wanting to stay in bed..and just sleep.  But mommy duties are a priority..so let's face it.. that's never going to happen.  Life doesn't stop, just because I want to hit the pause button, and sleep for an entire week.

Anyway, I really didn't want to, but I did my workout that I wasn't feeling to good to do the other day.. Kenpo X.  The first half, I kinda just did it.. not much effort into it, and I was still sweating like crazy.  Then during a break, if pulled something in my shoulder..and I think that was something telling me to stop slacking.  I was about to start the X jumping jacks, and as I was swinging my right arm up, something pulled..and hurt really badly.  I didn't let that stop me though, I picked up the slack, while stretching out that shoulder as much as I could, and holding my arm up, and eventually, the feeling went away.

I did it, got the workout out of the way, and I get a real day off tomorrow.. and I'm hoping I have enough time over the weekend to do my 4th week of workouts.. we will see though.

Even though I don't have many viewers, reading my blog.. this really is just a good way for me to vent, or just talk about myself.  No one seems interested when I attempt to talk about myself..and when that rare moment does come, where someone asks about me, I either freeze up and say something random, and then stop.. or someone cuts me off and starts talking about themselves again.

Being a stay at home mom, I don't have anyone to talk to, except for my babies, who have no clue what I would be talking about, and it would be pretty inappropriate to worry their little minds, with adult stuff.

But, hopefully I get off of this train of depression, and find my happiness soon!

Dance class with just mama!

So the girls and I are sitting outside of daddy's Union office..I think its so cool that you can even blog on your phone using their app..makes it easy to blog instant thoughts ;-)

So my hubby got picked up by his dad, so I had mommy duty of getting the girls up and ready and drive Pea to dance.  And honestly, everything went smoothly.. I don't know why I ever worry about doing things on my own.  I used to be so independent before I started dating Jesse..I've gotten so used to leaning in him.

During dance, Hailey did VERY well..I mean, I did pack a good amount of snacks, that literally lasted her the entire 45 minutes.  For some reason, the girls go-to feeling when they're bored..is that they're hungry.  I try as much as I can, to avoid giving the girls my phone when they're bored.  I'm not judging anyone that does, don't get me wrong..but at time when I dont have a phone available..they get really upset.  Same thing with snacks!  If I don't have snacks..they get upset.  So in a way, its a lose-lose situation if I'm not prepared.

Anyhow, the husband should be out soon :)

Here are a few pictures..

Teaching the girls how to sit properly..

Pea's up!

Spinning in the hoop..

Jump up!

Time to line up..

Here's a video of her solo..

Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!!